Alright....I know that this is totally late in coming and that I am a total...something....for not writing sooner. Life has been pretty much crazy for me lately, but what do you expect when you live with a bunch of middleschool crazy kids!?!? I totally love it though! So in the eventful life of abby what has been going on....you are about to find out: School (prepare yourself....) I am really liking most of my classes and I am confident that they will challenge me acedemically maybe a little more then i am used to. Spiritual Emphasis Week was wonderful and I was totally blessed inspiteof myself. I think that I tend to go into those thinking "I dare you to tell me something I don't already know" All along I have known that this is the wrong attitude and this year, inspite of homework bombbardment, I went in wanting to be blessed and changed. Where your heart is makes all the difference. We sang this song that said "Stir it up in my heart, a passion for you, Lord" and I began to realize that I was dead inside and I hated the way that I felt about God. I have been really angry at him for so many reasons....the fact that my parents are here and that we don't get along like I thought we would, the fact that I don't live at palm anymore and that while all my friends go home together I go home to a place that wreaks of a past life I have tried to bury, the fact that I don't understand why Kenny is sick, and that I am afraid to let people in because I hate weakness. He has felt so absent from me and that when I needed Him...He wasn't there for me...He could answer my Mom and Dad' prayers but not mine. I was so angry that it was seeping into everything. But God used people in my life and circumstances to bring me to my knees before Him confessing that I was never going to be able to physically make it without Him. So I wrote this: Absent from my life, were You? Feeling lost and so confused. People shouting all around me, Hate, Anger and Confusion surrounded me. Hate and Anger my constant torment Confusion filling my every moment Sleep escaping me Bitterness welling up in me Waiting for a voice to deny my suspicions Of an absent god however omniscient But the answer never came And someone had to take the blame Then someone said to me Pick yourself up, wipe yourself off and try again (not to rhyme with blame but with him) Words cannot express how much I look up to him He was telling me to try to see That it really only had one thing to do with me Absolute and total surrender to the Cross And that without Him, I was so completely lost So I hope that he remembers when he wants to give up and go home That God would never leave him or me alone. (dedicated to my beloved brother kenny) Well I think that about covers all the bases for now....Love to you all!! me and the fam in moscow
me and my brudder
me amd my new extended family
me and my swisster in switzerland (sp intentional)
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